Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
