I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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