Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
