it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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