you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
