So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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