i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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