I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
