what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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