Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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