his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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