My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
