I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
