i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
