Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
