The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
