So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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