This is not my ceiling
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
