Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
