Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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