Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
is that a dick in a sweater?
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