i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
