Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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