So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
