No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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