Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
