my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
