Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
