There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
