i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
