the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
