found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
