i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
