sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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