Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
