Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
