Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
