Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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