WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
