If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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