I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
