dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
