i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
