Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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