textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
