These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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