Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
