I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
please come you make the beer taste better
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
