Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
