I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
