She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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