He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
