You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
